What does être bien élevé mean in French?

To be well brought up — raised with good manners. Élevé comes from élever, to raise, so it describes the upbringing rather than the person's education. Its opposite, mal élevé, is one of the harshest everyday judgements in French: calling someone mal élevé blames the parents as much as the person.

Is it rude not to say bonjour in France?

Yes — genuinely rude, not merely casual. In France bonjour is the price of admission to any interaction: shops, lifts, bakeries, waiting rooms. Walking up to a counter and asking for something without saying bonjour first is the single most common reason visitors conclude the French are cold. Say bonjour, wait for the reply, then speak.

When do you use tu and when do you use vous?

Vous with any adult you don't know, anyone working in a shop or office, anyone older, anyone in authority, and any group. Tu with friends, family, children, animals, and colleagues who have already used tu with you. The safe rule for a learner: start with vous and let the other person offer tu — on peut se tutoyer ? Being slightly too formal is invisible; being too familiar is not.

What's the difference between pardon and excusez-moi?

Pardon is the quick one — you bumped into someone, you need to get past, you didn't hear. Excusez-moi opens a request to a stranger: excusez-moi, vous avez l'heure ? And je suis désolé is a real apology for a real mistake. Using désolé when you just need to squeeze past sounds oddly heavy.

What does plaire aux autres mean?

To please other people, to be liked by them. Plaire works backwards compared to English: the thing doing the pleasing is the subject, and the person is an indirect object with à. Ce film me plaît literally means 'this film pleases me' — it's how French says 'I like this film'.

French Politeness: What French Kids Said About It in 1993

The clip in this lesson is from the French television archives — Politesse et bonnes manières, 1993, INA / images TF1. A reporter asks a classroom of children what the point of good manners is. They answer instantly, without hesitating, the way you would answer a question about which side of the road to drive on.

Two things make it worth studying. The vocabulary is the real vocabulary of French politeness, not the phrasebook version. And the children are doing something linguistically advanced without noticing: giving an opinion and hedging it. That is a B1 skill, delivered at primary-school speed.

🎬 INA archive, 1993 — French schoolchildren on manners. Listen for how they soften every claim.

What they actually say

Ça sert à quoi d'être bien élevé ? — What's the point of being well brought up?
Ça sert dans la vie de tous les jours. — It's useful in everyday life.
Quand on est poli, tout le monde nous aime. — When you're polite, everybody likes you.
Si on n'est pas poli, en fait, on ne trouve pas de travail. — If you're not polite, you don't find work.
Les gens ne nous aiment pas, on est désagréable. — People don't like us, we're unpleasant.
S'il n'y avait pas les politesses et les bonnes manières, on ne pourrait pas vivre en collectivité. — If there were no courtesies and good manners, we couldn't live together as a community.
Il faut surtout, comment dire, plaire aux autres, ne pas montrer une mauvaise image de nous aux autres. — Above all you have to, how can I put it, please other people, not show a bad image of ourselves.
Je ne sais pas, peut-être que je me trompe, mais je trouve qu'il y a de plus en plus de gens qui sont mal élevés… qui ne disent pas bonjour, qui disent pas merci. — I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but I think there are more and more badly brought-up people… who don't say hello, who don't say thank you.

A ten-year-old in 1993 complaining that nobody says bonjour any more. Some arguments never date.

1. Bien élevé — the concept English doesn't have

Élevé comes from élever, to raise. So bien élevé is well raised, not well educated — it describes the upbringing, not the schooling. English has "well brought up", but nobody says it any more; in French it is completely current.

Il est très bien élevé. — He has lovely manners.
Quel enfant mal élevé ! — What a rude child!
C'est mal élevé de faire ça. — It's rude to do that.

Mal élevé is much harsher than it looks on paper. It is not "impolite" — it is closer to raised badly, and it quietly blames the parents. French people use it about adults, and it stings.

Do not confuse it with un élève, a pupil. Same root, different job.

2. Ça sert à quoi… ? — what's the point of…?

The reporter's question is a gift, because it is the most natural way to ask about purpose in spoken French:

Ça sert à quoi ? — What's that for?
Ça sert à quoi d'apprendre la grammaire ? — What's the point of learning grammar?
Ça sert à rien. — It's pointless. (familier — the full form is ça ne sert à rien)
Ça peut servir. — It might come in handy.

The textbook version is à quoi cela sert-il ? Nobody says that. Learn the spoken one.

3. Plaire aux autres — the verb that runs backwards

Plaire means to be pleasing to, and it inverts what English does. The thing is the subject; the person is an indirect object with à:

Ce film me plaît. — I like this film. (literally: this film pleases me)
Ça t'a plu ? — Did you enjoy it?
Elle plaît à tout le monde. — Everybody likes her.

And you already know it from a different angle: s'il vous plaît is literally if it pleases you. The politeness formula and the verb are the same word, which is a good thing to notice once and never forget.

4. The conditional they use without thinking

S'il n'y avait pas les bonnes manières, on ne pourrait pas vivre en collectivité.

That is a full hypothetical, produced casually by a child. The pattern is fixed and worth memorising as a shape:

Si + imparfait → conditionnel présent

Si j'avais le temps, je viendrais. — If I had time, I'd come.
Si on était riches, on partirait. — If we were rich, we'd leave.

The rule that catches everyone: never put a conditional after si. Si j'aurais is the classic French schoolchild howler, and French people notice it immediately.

5. De plus en plus / de moins en moins

Il y a de plus en plus de gens mal élevés… ils sont de moins en moins élevés.

de plus en plus — more and more
de moins en moins — less and less
with a noun, add de: de plus en plus de gens
with an adjective, nothing: de plus en plus difficile

6. How to hedge an opinion like a native

This is the part learners skip, and it is what makes the clip worth more than its vocabulary. Watch how the child refuses to state anything flatly:

Je ne sais pas… — I don't know…
peut-être que je me trompe — maybe I'm wrong
mais je trouve que… — but I find that…
comment dire… — how can I put it… (the perfect stalling phrase)
en fait — actually

Je trouve que rather than je pense que is the small choice that sounds French: trouver frames it as a personal impression rather than a verdict. And comment dire buys you two seconds of thinking time while sounding fluent — infinitely better than an English "um".

If you are preparing the DELF B2 oral or the TCF expression orale, this hedging language is directly worth marks. Examiners reward opinions that are nuanced, not opinions that are loud.

The rules the children are describing

They never spell these out, because in France nobody has to. Here they are anyway.

Bonjour is not a greeting. It's a toll.

You say it entering a bakery, getting into a lift, sitting down in a waiting room, walking up to any counter — and before you say anything else:

❌ Un café, s'il vous plaît.
✅ Bonjour ! Un café, s'il vous plaît.

The first version is why someone once decided Paris waiters were hostile. Add one word and the same waiter becomes friendly. After roughly 6pm it becomes bonsoir, and bonne nuit is not a greeting at all — it means sleep well.

Vous until you're invited

vous — adults you don't know, shop and office staff, anyone older, anyone in authority, any group
tu — friends, family, children, animals, colleagues who already use tu with you

The two verbs are vouvoyer and tutoyer, and the switch is announced out loud: On peut se tutoyer ? Start with vous and let the other person offer.

The formulas come in matched pairs

s'il te plaît / s'il vous plaît
excuse-moi / excusez-moi
je t'en prie / je vous en prie

Mixing them inside one sentence is the giveaway that you learned the phrase as a block. Merci has no tu/vous version; to warm it up, merci beaucoup.

Pardon, excusez-moi and désolé are three different things

Pardon. — you bumped into someone, you need to get past, you didn't catch it
Excusez-moi… — you're about to ask a stranger something
Je suis désolé(e). — a genuine apology for a genuine mistake

Pardon ? with a rising tone means I didn't hear you. Said flat and cold it means I beg your pardon? and it is a challenge. Tone does all the work.

Leaving is as scripted as arriving

Merci, au revoir, bonne journée ! — usually all three, run together. Bonne soirée in the evening, bon week-end on a Friday, bon appétit to anyone about to eat, and the one nobody teaches: bonne continuation, all the best with it.

Why this beats memorising vocabulary

A learner with three hundred words and perfect manners gets helped, corrected kindly and spoken to slowly. A learner with three thousand words who skips bonjour gets clipped answers and concludes the French are unfriendly. As the child in the clip puts it: quand on est poli, tout le monde nous aime.

Once the frame is there, the register scale sits on top of it — familier, courant and soutenu explains which words belong with which people.

Practise this on your own

Reading about these polite formulas is the easy half — you only own it once you've produced it yourself. On parisly.app you can work through this material at your own pace — reading, listening, writing and speaking practice with feedback, so the vocabulary in this lesson turns into French you can actually use.

Practical next steps: the exact phrases for real errands in the pharmacy and the supermarket, or the opening moves of any conversation in what's your name in French. Want to rehearse it with a certified teacher? Book a first lesson.